Scattered to the Wind

I am sooo tired of seeing that damn flapstick package every time I check the blog, so I’m finally posting something to displace it. Have had a patch of blogger’s block lately, unable to get any entries up here for various reasons.

My solution? Display the aborted posts succinctly and explain why they weren’t used.


Natawurly is going to tan my hide. First I impinge on her candy fetish with posts about chewing gum and jordan almonds, now I ‘m venturing into her newest territory, books.

I’ve been living a bit of a cloistered life lately and have consequently and uncharacteristically not been haunting bookstores as is my wont. Imagine my surprise then, while waiting for a prescription to be filled today, I wandered over to the “literature” section of the store and saw a completely new phenomenon.

No, I’m not referring to the Twilight books being shelved with normal ones. After all, this is the kind of store where fake books thrive and real books cower at the innermost reaches of the shelves, where a rarity like Brave New World is displayed in the “inspirational” section. I’m talking about a bonafide and –forgive the pun– novel development: the new, improved mass market paperback.


…but nobody ever does anything about it.”

The New Yorker (August 13, 1973)That’s how the saying goes, anyway. (Quote attributed to Mark Twain, incidentally.)

Within the past decade I’ve noticed that weather reports have been becoming alarmingly specific. Where once it was enough to say that the temperatures would be in the high, middle, or low degrees of  the denary grouping du jour, nowadays every newscast and  radio update informs us that today’s temperature will be 87° or 62° or whatever. Why such precision? It makes no sense whatsoever.

I realize that in the era of Doppler radar and “AccuWeather” it might be unseemly to toss out a vague estimation of, say, ‘the upper 40’s’ or ‘middle 70’s,’ but these providers must realize that they serve relatively large regions consisting of diverse terrains and microclimates and there is no way to report, let alone predict, a precise temperature.  Granted, when reporting current conditions and temperatures, our esteemed meteorologists generally give such data for various locales and that’s okay with me. But why-oh-why are those morningtime predictions not qualified similarly? Can’t they say something like, ‘it’ll be hottest in Metrotown and cooler north and west, in Hinterville and Boonieburg’?


The story of Little Red Riding Hood is an especially rich source for retelling and reinterpretation, both in popular culture and academia. Freudian assessments, feminist criticisms, all sorts of things (the vast majority of them sexual; go figure). I was recently reminded of this by seeing an informatics type version by Swedish student Tomas Nilsson (see below). Thus inspired, I collected a few old favorites and new finds for your entertainment, Dear Reader(s).

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Obamania continues…

Just be thankful I didn’t get around to composing the post I had in mind for Tuesday that was to be titled “Inaugural Doggerel.” It was to be some truly awful verse for the occasion. You are all now officially sparedy-cats.

Today I have for your consumption and, I hope, clicking pleasure a new poll. To wit, What shall we call him?

Flame On!I’m a little on the overwhelmed side right now, but I realize that I have blogbligations and must post some new content for my Dear, Faithful Reader(s).

Hence this wee nugget of sublime scariness that I first jotted down in the middle of December but am revisiting only now.  Behold! To your right witness “Flame™ Body Spray.” Produced for Burger King®, it is the dubiously inspired essence of greasy grilled goodness in atomized form.

The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.

You may think this is a joke. You may look at your calendar and wonder if it’s too early for April 1st. You may think these things even more strongly if you click the link and experience the pseudo-Barry White soundtrack of severely bridled lust. But no, it exists; there is apparently significant demand for this item, as the on-line distributor says it’s backordered. The cynics among you will claim this fact as proof of its hoaxiness, but, rest assured, you share the planet with numerous vials of this, this … objet.

Flame™ Body Spray Whopper® Sandwich


0 680

Net wt.

0.17oz (many “servings”) 290g per serving


$3.99 $2.99 (estimated)

Price per oz.

$23.47 $0.29
Source: Official Burger King websites

What, pray tell, is next? Is this a legitimate trend? Will it go upmarket? Shall we brace ourselves for such unsavory concoctions as:

  • Eau de Emeril?
  • Bobby Flay (or Rachael Ray) Spray?
  • Essence du Bordain?
  • Profumi di Batali?

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