heads up


First thing, I assure you that I will not be including audio of that cloying song from the Disneyland/world/place/spot ride. The one that everyone loves to hate. I do hope that something appropriate occurs to me by the time I finish the post, because I’m really enjoying adding the audio tie-ins.

This isn’t exactly groundbreaking material in the on-line universe (I first encountered the phenomenon last November), but it’s been infesting my thoughts lately, so I may as well write about it.

Eiffel tilt-shift II

from AnarBi's flickr photostream

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More like a premature autopsy.

Just wanted to inform my Dear, Faithful Reader(s) that I’ll be reanimating pannaceaeae in the next 24–36 hours. Since I don’t know what’s going to happen when I republish (undraft?) the accumulated posts en masse, the forensics lab has recommended that you unsubscribe from the blog for the time being so that your Reader or Blog Surfer (especially WordPress’ own) will not be inadvertently inundated. You may want to mumble a prayer on my behalf as well. Can’t hurt.

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jordan almondsTwo candy-themed posts in a row. I just know CurlyWurlyGurly is going to sic her bloodthirsty lawyers on me: take them off their retainers or something.

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Mystery (©Cosmic Debris)

People say I’m mysterious. Not just here in El Mundo Bloggo, but in life as well. Although I’ve never made a conscious effort  it’s something I’ve been informed of for as long as I can remember. Some people tell me this admiringly, others slightly accusatorily.

In the spirit of openness, as we find ourselves in the interstice between those calendrical pillars of sharing– Tax Day and Earth Day– I’m making a limited-time* offer to you, Dear Reader(s). What do you most want to know about me? What’s been nagging you as you read my assorted ramblings and rants? Do I really have eyes of two different colors? Have I climbed that famous mountain in that far-off country? What’s “pannonica” all about? Did I once save a baby from drowning? The questions are yours to provide.**

Consider this an anti-meme, a youyou, a W.


*This offer ends 21 April 2009 whenever I damn well please.
**Questions will (or will not) be answered at the discretion of the Panniverse Conceit.™ Relatives and family members are ineligible to participate. An accompanying donation is not required for submission.

The story of Little Red Riding Hood is an especially rich source for retelling and reinterpretation, both in popular culture and academia. Freudian assessments, feminist criticisms, all sorts of things (the vast majority of them sexual; go figure). I was recently reminded of this by seeing an informatics type version by Swedish student Tomas Nilsson (see below). Thus inspired, I collected a few old favorites and new finds for your entertainment, Dear Reader(s).
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Flame On!I’m a little on the overwhelmed side right now, but I realize that I have blogbligations and must post some new content for my Dear, Faithful Reader(s).

Hence this wee nugget of sublime scariness that I first jotted down in the middle of December but am revisiting only now.  Behold! To your right witness “Flame™ Body Spray.” Produced for Burger King®, it is the dubiously inspired essence of greasy grilled goodness in atomized form.

The WHOPPER® sandwich is America’s Favorite burger. FLAME™ by BK® captures the essence of that love and gives it to you. Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.

You may think this is a joke. You may look at your calendar and wonder if it’s too early for April 1st. You may think these things even more strongly if you click the link and experience the pseudo-Barry White soundtrack of severely bridled lust. But no, it exists; there is apparently significant demand for this item, as the on-line distributor says it’s backordered. The cynics among you will claim this fact as proof of its hoaxiness, but, rest assured, you share the planet with numerous vials of this, this … objet.

Flame™ Body Spray Whopper® Sandwich

Calories

0 680

Net wt.

0.17oz (many “servings”) 290g per serving

Price

$3.99 $2.99 (estimated)

Price per oz.

$23.47 $0.29
Source: Official Burger King websites

What, pray tell, is next? Is this a legitimate trend? Will it go upmarket? Shall we brace ourselves for such unsavory concoctions as:

  • Eau de Emeril?
  • Bobby Flay (or Rachael Ray) Spray?
  • Essence du Bordain?
  • Profumi di Batali?

To refresh your memory or enlighten you if you’re outside the purview of New York State politics, last spring Governor Eliot Spitzer (former Attorney General, reformer, crusader, blah blah blah) resigned under a cloud of embarrassment when it was revealed that he was a regular patron (Client #9, famously) of a high-class prostitution service.

David Paterson, the Lieutenant Governor, was subsequently elevated to the higher office and made news, as he was both the first black governor of the state and the second legally blind governor of any of the 50 states (the precedent was set by Bob Riley, Governor of Arkansas for 11 days in 1975).

I like this photo because the fragment of the Tribeca Film Festival logo looks a bit like an eye chart.

It’s a feel-good story and Paterson has been doing a relatively good job, especially under the current economic hardships, what with the Wall Street collapses and debacles. Also despite the revelation soon after he took office that both he and his wife had had extramarital affairs (but everything’s all better now).

I’m all for him succeeding, but there’s one aspect of his story that irks me. Everyone praises him for his ability to memorize his speeches as he is unable to use a teleprompter. Here’s a typical example:

But what David Paterson really needed was some time to just listen — 60 hours, to be exact. That, he said, was the time it would take him to memorize his hour-long speech, which the legally blind governor does by listening to a recording of one minute at a time.

“I can’t read the speech. Since I’m not totally blind, I never learned Braille, so I can’t read the speech by hand and then recite. So, I basically have to memorize it,” he said.

— from abcnews.com

What?!?

Sixty hours?!? Seems to me that the 54-year-old Paterson, whose vision was compromised as an infant, might have made the sage decision to acquire the skill of Braille fluency at some point in his life, whether during school, law school, his early political career, somewhere along the line. It couldn’t take more that a few, maybe as much as a dozen, speech-memorization sessions, could it? But it certainly would have been worth it.  True, I know he couldn’t have predicted his unlikely rise to such an exalted office, but he’s obviously an intelligent, capable, and ambitious individual, so the lapse surprises me. This fact undermines my estimation of the esteem he deserves. Especially since a governor’s job is to make informed, responsible, and well-considered decisions.

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