I wouldn’t describe myself as a particularly spiritual person, but by the other side of the same token I would neither call myself overly materialistic. With this disclaimer in hand and just as quickly out of my hand, in the company of pigs in pokes and cats out of bags, I want to share a deep, dark secret with you, my devoted, beloved, Dear Reader(s).
Sometimes, in my lowest hours, I know, I just know, gripped in the surety of despair, that possessing a certain item will bring limitless joy to my poor, impoverished existence. More often than not, the item is the same thing, recurring in my visions and haunting my adumbrant days. What could this most fabulous of objects (apologies to Time Bandits) be, you ask? Some splendiferous jewel? A sportscar so sexy one needs to reenact childbirth in reverse just to get inside it? A housecat who can clean her own litterbox, run the coffee machine and make fabu martinis? No, none of those.
What I desire when all hope has ebbed from my soul is the Marie Galant Makeup Trunk. What? you may demand, incredulously, a mere piece of furniture? To this I reply that the Marie Galant Makeup Trunk is an item of transformative beauty and fulfillment. Behold its awesomeness:
How could anyone deny its magnificence? It was obviously conceived and manufactured with hedonism and sybaritic tendencies in mind. It’s wondrous. I would bow down before it like the apes in front of the monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Once. Then I would say it’s mine and use it, or at least pet it and stroke it, every day for the rest of my life. And poke anyone in the eye with the temerity to approach it without permission.
I know I’m exaggerating. What I need most in life costs a helluva lot more than the $2500 needed to take this baby home (delivery extra). But it doesn’t stop me from wanting this particular piece of furniture. Calling it “furniture” makes it sound so tawdry, don’t you think?
So, confess. What is the secret, completely impractical object that you’ve been lusting after? (nb: both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are off-limits.)
Tell the world! Or at least the small part of the blogging world that visits this particular dusty corner. Go on!