With apologies to Emily Letilla, I’d like to caution everyone about not being fully engaged with current events. In my opinion it’s fine to be either totally ignorant or completely apprised of what’s going on in the world. It’s the middle ground, that notorious ‘little bit of knowledge’ that provides occasion for danger.

The Apple (1980)

Let me provide some illustratory examples, since I conveniently (for this post) allowed myself to occupy just such a limbotic state this past week:

  • Apparently, some guy named Phillip ordered dinner at a restaurant in Alabama called The Captain’s Table and the sommelier made a recommended pairing for seal, which was for some reason on the menu. I never knew it took 5 days to prepare such a dish! And who in their right mind would order something like that in Alabama?
  • Since when is Kristen Chenoweth the ruler of Thailand? Not only that, but she was ousted? And her understudy is some kind of abstaining vegetarian who only wears yellow shirts? It’s unclear if this means that they’re moving the Tour de France to Thailand.
  • America’s youth are chronically overweight and this leads to poor performances in school. Hence the phenomenon of ‘social promotion‘ because these students are simply too big to fail. If I’m not mistaken, this whole thing is being sponsored by Bally’s gyms.
  • President Obama and his family picked out both a dog and a god this past weekend. The dog is named Bo, but I can’t figure out if that’s because those are Barack Obama’s initials or because the King of Saudi Arabia gave him some kind of ribbon or bow.