If puns are, as Samuel Johnson asserted, “the lowest form of humour,” I would in turn suggest that Tom Swifties are the lowest form of punnery. This, of course, does nothing to dissuade me from proffering a few timely Swifties, inundated as we’ve been by the political dog-and-ponying of the seemingly endless presidential election.

You’ve been warned.

  • “Let’s make a film about global warming,” Tom said allegorically.
  • “Those fanatics blew up the abortion clinic!” said Tom prolifically.
  • “Can you believe the price of fuel these days?” winced Tom in gastronomic pain.

If you have a punny itch that needs relief and release, feel free to unload it here.

Coming soon: Bicycle Crashes, Part Three: “South × Southwest × Head over Heels”