Pulp Friction: (orange) juice varieties

Despite the title of this post, it’s really about grapefruit juice, which is unjustly and severely maligned. Well, maybe just neglected. Now, I’m a simple gal; I don’t ask for too much in this life. (Okay, I admit it, that was an outright lie. I ask for a lot, but I’m sure I’ll find other opportunities to rant about calmly discuss that stuff. And most people who know me wouldn’t characterize me as simple, unless it was part of the phrase “simply impossible.”) When it comes to a juice to drink on a regular basis, I have just one request: I want to be able to purchase grapefruit juice that is (1) not from concentrate, (2) not the cloying pink/red stuff, but the refreshingly tart white/yellow variety, and (3) pulpy (which would kind of easy to do and expected in a not-from-concentrate product, no?). What follows is a survey of the major citrus juice producers’ offerings.

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Pure Premium Golden Grapefruit Juice (No Pulp): 64 oz. Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice (Some Pulp): 64, 16 & 12 oz. Grovestand Calcium + Vitamin D* (Lots of Pulp): 96, 64 oz. Calcium + Vitamin D* (No Pulp): 128, 96, 64, 16, 12, 8 oz. Grovestand* (Lots of Pulp): 128, 96, 64, 16 oz. Original* (No Pulp): 128, 96, 64, 32, 16, 12, 10, 8, 6 oz. Homestyle* (Some Pulp): 96, 64, 32, 16, 12 oz. Antioxidant Advantage* (No Pulp): 64, 16, 12 oz. Healthy Heart with Omega-3* (No Pulp): 64 oz. Low Acid* (No Pulp): 64 oz. Healthy Kids* (No Pulp): 64 oz. Orange Strawberry Banana (No Pulp): 64, 12 oz. Orange Tangerine (No Pulp): 64, 16 oz. Orange Pineapple (No Pulp): 64, 16 oz. Tropicana Pure (the name, confusingly, for their high-end (i.e., premium) line- they are pulpy) Indian River Grapefruit: 1 L. Valencia Orange: 1 L.

* These varieties, in name though not image, don’t even bother to be identified as ORANGE juice: it’s simply assumed!

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Original Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice: 64 oz. Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice Plus Calcium with Added Vitamin C: 64 oz. Original Orange Juice (pulp-free)Home Squeezed Style Orange Juice (“with more juicy bits of orange”): 64 oz. Growers [sic] Style Orange Juice (“with the most juicy bits of orange”): 64 oz. Orange Juice Plus Calcium with Added Vitamin D: 64 oz. Home Squeezed Style Orange Juice Plus Calcium with Added Vitamin D: 64 oz. Orange/Mango Juice: 64 oz. Orange/Pineapple Juice: 64 oz. Orange/Strawberry Juice: 64 oz.

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Simply Grapefruit Original (Pulp Free): 1.75 L Simply Orange Original (Pulp Free): 2.6, 1.75 L Simply Orange Country Stand with Calcium (Medium Pulp): 1.75 L Simply Orange Grove Made (High Pulp): 1.75 L Simply Orange Calcium (Pulp Free): 2.6, 1.75 L

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(10 orange juice varieties, 0 grapefruit juice varieties; all are from concentrate.)

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(3 orange juice varieties, 0 grapefruit juice varieties; all are from concentrate.)

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(Ruby Grapefruit, from concentrate)

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Grapefruit Juice (red): 128, 64, 32, 16, 12 oz Orange Juice: 128, 64, 32, 16, 12 oz

So what does this all mean? What does it come to? Let’s do some basic analyses. Remember, I have but 3 criteria: grapefruit, not pink, with pulp.

First, let’s eliminate Minute Maid, Ocean Spray, and Ceres, since they don’t offer any non-concentrate juices. We’re left with 4 producers and 32 “titles.” Of these, 7 are grapefruit and 25 are orange variations. Of the 7 grapefruits, only one is white/yellow and it’s pulpless:

Other statistics of note:

• When including the number of available container sizes for each variety (as a measure of popularity), we see that there are 57 for the oranges and a mere 13 for the grapefruits. Of course the white/yellow comes in only one size, so that’s 1 out of 70!
• The ratios of pulp to no pulp are (all varieties) 12 to 20; (orange juice only) 9 to 16; (grapefruit juice only) 3 to 4. Keep in mind that “pulp” includes any pulp. If we are to be more rigorous and include varieties above the minimal “some pulp” designation, the ratios look, respectively, like this: 7 to 25, 8 to 17, and 2 to 5.

What am I to do against such towering obstacles? Short of buying quantities of fresh grapefruit and squeezing them myself (which is nice to do on special occasions but is impractical for feeding my voracious “G” habit), I have to settle for Tropicana’s Pure Premium Golden Grapefruit. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a perfectly respectable beverage, it’s just that I know it could be more satisfying. If memory serves me, it’s been only about 10 years since that company discontinued the golden pulp style in 64 oz and 32 oz containers. That’s what stings, the tart pain of nostalgia.

Now, of course I also realize that having the luxury to complain about such a trivial oversight is kind of selfish when there are people in the world who have no such opportunities, who are lucky to have access to potable water. I acknowledge their tragedy and feel guilt for the advantages available to me.

But still, despite all that, it seems unfair that one relatively simple and strightforward item should be nonexistent among the glut of bizarre and sometimes frivolous orange juice varieties on the market.